RICK: Morty, hey Morty-uuuurrrrrpp!-look out there, Morty! Look what’s coming!
MORTY: Holy crap, Rick! It’s a huge kaiju! And it’s approaching the car! I think it’s Godzilla or something!
RICK: Yeah, whatever, Morty! Those things are so way over-rated. They-uuuuuurrrp!-they think that just because they’ve got movie deals and can step on buildings that they’re actually relevant. It’s a con, Morty! It’s a crock!
MORTY: Uh, I think that being able to destroy a city is pretty impressive, Rick!
RICK: Oh, you wanna see impressive, Morty? Urrrrrrrp, then watch this! (*CLICK*)
MORTY: Holy shit, Rick! Your face is absolutely frickin’ huge!
GOD RICK: I know, Morty! Isn’t it great! I just hit the God Mode button underneath the dash. Look at that little bugger pissing his Japanese pants, ha ha ha!
MORTY: Uh, I don’t think kaiju wear any—wait a minute! What was that about a God Mode button?
GOD RICK: Urrrrrrp, yeah, Morty! It automatically opens a portal to some of the most primordial shit in the universe, Morty! It lets me do pretty much anything. How do you think I turned myself into a pickle?
MORTY: So you’re saying you had a God Mode button in the car…that you never told me about?
GOD RICK: Uh yeah, urrrrrrp!
MORTY: That means I never had to shove those giant seeds up my butt! I could have pressed the God Mode button and have them teleported somewhere! Or turned into, like, a…a…a pastrami sandwich or something!
GOD RICK: Funny how that’s the first thing that came into your mind, Morty. I would’ve turned them into Orion Nebula hookers. Man, those girls rock!
MORTY: I can’t believe this! I can’t believe you would do this, Rick!
GOD RICK: I had to, Morty. The God Mode button requires emotional stability, tranquility, and a sense of humor…none of which you currently have. Judging by your reaction, I obviously made the right decision. Urrrrrp!
MORTY: I hate this, Rick! I hate how your manipulation of reality causes it to lose all meaning, outside of your own stupid jokes!
GOD RICK: How many times have I told you, Morty—reality doesn’t exist. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.
MORTY: Yeah? Well, I behold that this sucks, Rick!
GOD RICK: Oh, that’s real original, Morty.
MORTY: And sometimes, so do you!
GOD RICK: Morty, it’s lucky for you that I know that you’re just having an irrational reaction thanks to your pre-adolescent intellect.
MORTY: An irrational…?!
GOD RICK: Oh wait, I think the kaiju’s gone. Good thing for him, too, I was thinking about turning him into an end table.
MORTY: Uh, you mean like that end table that’s sitting out there on the lawn?
RICK: Ah, that’s better. And don’t even think about pressing the button, Morty. It opens you up to a whole universe of possibilities that you couldn’t possibly handle. It’d just turn you into another Jerry. And is that what you want, Morty?
MORTY: …not really…
RICK: Good, ‘cause I really didn’t need your mental collapse hanging over me, urrrrrrrp! Man, I can’t wait for Season Five.
